Half of My Soul
by Sansculotte
Summary: Follows the plot of "The Iliad" by Homer and the legend of Achilles, set in the Star Wars universe with Obi-Wan and Anakin. This is an Obikin fanfiction, canon divergence/basically AU bc I changed a bunch of stuff to make it fit.
1. Chapter One: The Chosen One

"A prophecy, I have seen."

It was as if the entire Jedi Council took in a sharp breath at once.

"A prophecy? Of what?" Mundi looked wary, and Qui-Gon could understand why. Prophecies only existed to warn the Jedi; what could this one be warning about?

"Of a child. A child, with the Force, more powerful than any Jedi."

"Who is this child?" asked Qui-Gon.

"Not yet born, this child is. He will be, very soon, on the planet of Tattooine."

There was a pause, and Qui-Gon knew they were all thinking the same thing. "Is he a threat?"

Yoda closed his eyes, breathing a deep sigh before speaking. "It is yet unknown."

"Then what course of action do we take?" Even Piell asked, addressing the whole chamber.

"I say we train the boy," said Qui-Gon immediately.

"Train him? He is already supposed to be more powerful than any living Jedi. If we train him, his powers would be so immense he could turn against us and destroy the Jedi," Adi Gallia responded, looking incredulously at Qui-Gon.

"It sounds to me like the prophecy says he has the power to do that anyway," remarked Mundi.

"No man could have the power to destroy the Jedi if they've never truly learned the ways of the Force, regardless of what the prophecy says," Mace Windu pointed out. "By training him we risk the Sith learning of his power and using him to bring darkness back to the galaxy."

"And by not training him, we risk the Sith learning of his power anyway and training him themselves, so there will be no chance of keeping him on the light side!" Qui-Gon responded.

"There is no evidence so far to suggest he could be an evil person at all," said Plo Koon mildly.

"Master Yoda wouldn't have received a prophecy if there weren't any danger in this boy," Windu argued.

"Yes, there is danger in him, but by training him we can teach him the ways of Jedi, and he will not fall so easily to the Sith!" said Qui-Gon.

"Master Jinn is right," Yoda said, and the room fell silent. "For a reason, we were warned about him. To do nothing would be to ignore the prophecy. This we cannot do."

"Then who will take him as their Padawan?" asked Mundi.

"Assuming he passes the trials in thirteen years," Windu muttered.

"Do you really think a boy who had a prophecy written about him, saying he will be the most powerful Jedi ever, won't pass the Jedi Initiate Trials?" scoffed Adi Gallia.

"Far away, that time is," Yoda interrupted. "When it comes, Master Jinn will train the boy."

Qui-Gon turned to stare at him. "You would trust me with this child?" He was shocked; though Qui-Gon was on the Jedi Council, he often found himself an object of their disapproval, and the idea that they would want him to train this - this "chosen one" - was somewhat absurd.

Yoda nodded slowly. "I do."

Qui-Gon lifted his head slightly. "Then I will do my best."

* * *

Whispers surrounded young Obi-Wan Kenobi as his fellow younglings wondered what was going on.

"Who is it?"

"Do you think they're a Tholonian? I hate being the only one…."

"No idiot, they must be like Yoda."

"What is Yoda, anyway?"

"Shh, don't be rude."

There was a new initiate joining the Uphreos Clan; this was especially odd, because most of the younglings in this particular clan were between eight and nine years of age. Obi-Wan was one of the younger ones, having only turned eight a few months ago, but he was also one of the smarter ones. He had overheard from one of the Masters a few days ago whispering something about "The Chosen One"; it didn't take much to put two and two together. One had to be special indeed to be taken into training at such a time. Obi-Wan himself had been initiated when he was three, and when the trials came around, he would have trained for ten years; this youngling would only have trained for maybe four years. How could they possibly pass the trials?

Finally Master Qui-Gon entered the room and the whispers ceased almost immediately.

"I would like you all to welcome a new initiate to the Uphreos Clan," he said. "I have heard your gossip, and I know it is unusual to bring in another youngling to a clan that is already full, and has been so for five years." The younglings stared at him expectantly; they knew this already. Where was the explanation? "But we sort you into clans with the Force, so we cannot always control it these things; and the Force has chosen this clan for our new initiate. Please welcome - Anakin Skywalker."

Everyone in the room turned to look at the door, where a very small boy with sandy blond hair had just appeared. He couldn't possibly be nine years old; he was seven at the most. This, in Obi-Wan's mind, confirmed it; Anakin Skywalker must be "The Chosen One" that he had heard about. No one else could be initiated at seven years old, into a clan of younglings who had been training for five years, and be expected to complete the trials with them in five more.

Obi-Wan couldn't control the feelings of bitterness that welled up inside him. What made this boy so special, exactly? Why did he get special treatment like this? All the younglings were looking at him with awe, as if he was reflecting the light of the sun onto their faces, and he hadn't even done anything yet. But they could tell, he knew, they could tell he was different. Obi-Wan shook his head, reminding himself that bitterness could only lead to hatred, and that was not the Jedi way. No emotion, only peace.

He tried to repeat this mantra whenever he saw Anakin, but it was difficult. No emotion, only peace. But the younger boy had only just started to train and already he outperformed all the other younglings. Obi-Wan found it personally offensive that natural gift could be worth more than hard work; what an unfair reality, and yet, it was.

The bitterness continued to come back, even as he pushed it away. During meditation, when his mind was supposed to be clear, he found himself wondering if Anakin could meditate "better" somehow than the rest of them; probably, since he was oh so special.

His distraction was becoming visible to the Masters as well; sometimes, when Anakin was around, Master Windu or Master Jinn would glance at Obi-Wan worriedly or suspiciously every few minutes, because his thoughts had started to seep through the mental shields he had been taught to keep up. At these times he had to take a moment to clear his head, put his shields back up, and think about anything but Anakin Skywalker.

* * *

A few months after Anakin joined the Uphreos Clan, there was a day of training where Master Yoda said that they were to practice lightsaber techniques in pairs, to get used to fighting a real moving opponent. Whoever their partner was would continue to be for the rest of lightsaber training. He began to pair the younglings up, seemingly randomly because his eyes were closed, but of course Master Yoda had to have his reasons.

Obi-Wan suspected what was going to happen before it did, but he wouldn't admit it to himself because he desperately hoped he was wrong. But Master Yoda pointed to him, then across the room, to Anakin. They were to be partners in the sparring practice. Just his luck.

There were so many things wrong with this, Obi-Wan thought. First of all, he would almost definitely lose every time. This wasn't the real problem though, because he knew it was better to practice with someone who was better than him; it would force him to improve. The real problem was that he really, really, really didn't enjoy the company of this boy.

Obi-Wan was so busy in his thoughts that he had not made any move to walk towards Anakin and begin practice. He was also too busy in his thoughts to notice Anakin standing in front of him.

"Hello. I'm Anakin Skywalker." It was at this moment that Obi-Wan realized he had never heard Anakin speak before. It wasn't that Anakin was quiet, it's just that Obi-Wan had been studiously avoiding any contact with him. The inflection of his voice annoyed Obi-Wan already; it was a simple greeting, why did he need to make it sound like he was singing?

Obi-Wan took a deep breath and gritted his teeth. "Hello."


	2. Chapter Two: Nothing Good

Over the next few months, whenever they had lightsaber training, Obi-Wan and Anakin practiced mostly in silence. Anakin tried to ask him questions a few times, to break the ice, but Obi-Wan refused to comply.

"Where is your home planet?"

"Far away."

Anakin rocked on his heels. "I'm from Tattooine."

Obi-Wan did not respond.

He wasn't exactly sure why he didn't want to even try to talk to Anakin. He had to keep focused, he told himself. No emotion, only peace. He couldn't speak to this boy, because it would probably make him angry, or worse; they could become friends.

A few weeks later, Anakin tried again. "So you're human, right?" he began.

"Yes, but I was raised by the Gungans."

"Then - wait really?"

"No."

Anakin furrowed his eyebrows at Obi-Wan, but didn't say any more, not even to finish asking his original question.

Whatever discomfort they had when talking, they made up for it in the ease of fighting. The beginning was rocky, but after they had been training together for a few months, Obi-Wan began to recognize everything Anakin was going to do before he did it, and Anakin must have had the same experience. When Anakin swung his sword one way, Obi-Wan instinctively knew to go the same way; if Anakin tried to duck a blow, Obi-Wan knew to lower his swing before Anakin could react. It was hard to believe Anakin could really be that special when they seemed equal in all respects; it was an ego boost for Obi-Wan, though he would never admit it, that he beat The Chosen One in lightsaber practice on a regular basis.

The other younglings seemed to notice it too; how could they not, when watching Anakin fight was so entrancing? Where most were still somewhat awkward and jerky with their motions, Anakin was fluid, eyes always open, never taking a wrong step. There was not a second that he wasn't focused and driving forward in the fight; not a second that he wasn't sure. It was breathtaking to watch someone so in their element that you couldn't imagine them being anywhere else.

Not, of course, that Obi-Wan was watching.

* * *

It was during dinner in the dining hall, a year after Anakin had first been initiated into the Uphreos Clan, that something interesting happened.

Obi-Wan was sitting with the ten other members of his clan, in between his closest friends, a Togruta female named Ousendi Loftor and a human named Stiong Walego. Suddenly, the double doors opened, both at the same time.

In the doorway stood the most beautiful woman Obi-Wan had ever seen in his life, flanked by four other creatues of varying species in fancy-looking clothing. The room got quieter as the younglings noticed the odd group in the doorway, but then the Jedi Knight who had been overseeing them quickly ran to the door, whispering to the woman somewhat urgently. The chatter in the room began to get louder again, but this time everyone was looking at the doorway, wondering who these people were. Obi-Wan's clan was seated closest to the door, and a few of them began to get out of their seats and creep towards the door, to try to catch what was being said. Anakin was one of them, standing near Obi-Wan and visibly straining to hear.

"I think that's a queen!" whispered Stiong. Obi-Wan stared at them, then to the woman in the doorway, and stood up.

"Queen of where?"

"I don't know. Try to get a better look at the insignia on the robes of that guy behind her."

Obi-Wan leaned forward to get a better look, but the group was already leaving.

After they were out of sight, Anakin, who had still been standing in front of Obi-Wan to hear the queen's words, whipped his head around, almost hitting Obi-Wan in the nose. "That was the delegation from Naboo!" he said loudly.

Obi-Wan stumbled backwards slightly. "How do you know?"

"I heard Master Jinn say the queen was coming coming later this week with her court to speak to the council," Anakin responded, lowering his voice to a normal decibel to address Obi-Wan.

"About what?"

"I guess I'll find out." With that, Anakin glanced around discreetly then began to walk confidently towards the door.

"Wha - what are you doing?" Obi-Wan whisper-yelled to him.

"Going to find out what they're talking about."

"Are you crazy?"

Anakin gave a maddening, guileless grin and continued walking out of the room.

Obi-Wan looked around, then sighed. He too wanted to know what the delegation could have to say that required the audience of the entire council, but was that worth the high probability of getting caught? He knew it was not, and yet there was something pulling him to the door, and without really thinking about it, he followed Anakin into the hallway.

"So what's the plan?"

Anakin turned around, looking surprised. "You're actually coming with me?"

Obi-Wan felt a flicker of annoyance. "Well, I was, but you know what, it's not really-"

"Great!" Anakin interrupted him, his eyes sparkling. He then turned around and continued strutting down the hall, his shoes hitting the floor loudly as he did.

"Could you walk quieter? If someone doesn't see or sense us, they're certainly doing to hear you!" Obi-Wan hissed.

Anakin shook his head. "As long as we act like we know what we're doing, people will think we do."

"What?"

"Just pretend that you're part of the council, and you're heading there for the meeting. If we give off the idea that we're doing what we're supposed to, no one will know we're not."

"That doesn't make sense," Obi-Wan muttered, but complied, lifting up his chin with a false air of confidence and walking next to Anakin down the hallway to the council chamber.

They didn't pass anyone on their way, though Obi-Wan was sure if they had then whoever it was would've stopped them immediately. He didn't say so, however, because Anakin seemed very pleased with himself for making it this far. At the doors of the council chambers, they stopped.

"How do you expect to get in there without being noticed?" Obi-Wan said, suddenly annoyed again that he hadn't thought of this before and had let himself be drawn into Anakin's ridiculous scheme.

"The doors aren't soundproof," Anakin said with a shrug. "We'll just listen." He leaned against the door and pressed his ear against it. Sighing, Obi-Wan did the same.

Not more than five seconds passed before the door opened from the inside and with it no longer supporting their weight, they both tumbled forward into the room.

Obi-Wan didn't think he'd ever been so embarrassed in his entire life. The whole Jedi Council, and the delegation from Naboo, was staring at them. Mace Windu stood above them, having opened the door, looking somehow more disapproving than he ever had before. Too horrified to speak and having no solution to get them out of this problem, Obi-Wan simply put his face back on the ground to avoid seeing anything that was going on. Anakin, on the other hand, stood up.

"Hello Masters," he said, with the pretense of professionality, but Obi-Wan could hear the awkwardness behind it. "Hello, Senator, Queen...and others."

There was a long pause, then Qui-Gon Jinn cleared his throat and said, "Yes, uh - please welcome two of our young Jedi initiates, Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi. They are...training." No one asked why their Jedi training included listening to council meetings from outside the door, for which Obi-Wan was very grateful.

"Will they be staying here for the rest of the meeting?" asked the queen. Obi-Wan lifted his head. Could this all have not been for nothing?

"No," said Qui-Gon quickly. "They will be returning to the rest of their clan." He stared at them expectantly for a few moments, and it wasn't until Anakin lightly kicked Obi-Wan in the side that he realized they should be leaving now.

"Oh!" Standing up, Obi-Wan nodded politely to the entire room, then turned to follow Anakin out.

As soon as the door slammed shut behind them, Obi-Wan turned to give a menacing glare at Anakin, opening his mouth to quietly yell at him for getting them into this mess, but Anakin was laughing uncontrollably.

"What's wrong with you?"

Anakin shook his head, still laughing. "That was...the most fun I've had...since I got here."

"That? Really?" How could Anakin have enjoyed being humiliated in front of the entire Jedi Council and some of the most important political figures on this side of the galaxy, more than his actual training? "That was awful. I have never been so-"

"That was fun," he repeated firmly, looking at Obi-Wan, still smiling.

Obi-Wan huffed incredulously. "You have a very different idea of fun than - well, anyone," he grunted.

"Maybe so. Should we go back to the dining hall, then?"

Obi-Wan had completely forgotten they were supposed to be in the dining hall. "Oh! Yes!"

They walked back in silence again, Anakin having dropped his "confident" stature, probably because there was no point pretending they were supposed to be here when they'd just been exposed to the whole Jedi Council. It was not a tense uncomfortable silence like their days spent training, but rather an easy one. It made sense.

When they got back to the dining hall, Obi-Wan looked at Anakin. "How are we going to explain to everyone why we disappeared?"

Anakin bit his lip in thought. "We won't. We'll just walk in and pretend" -Obi-Wan was rolling his eyes already, and this made Anakin grin- "that we are doing what we should be."

"Has that worked so far for you at all?" Obi-Wan asked dryly.

"I don't know. Either it's worked or I've gotten really lucky."

Obi-Wan shook his head in exasperation, then opened the door to the dining hall, hoping to enter unnoticed.

Like everything else he had hoped for today, this was not his reality. As soon as they stepped inside, closing the door behind them, Ousendi pointed to them.

"There they are!"

Obi-Wan started to feel rather like putting his face on the ground again as the younglings from the Uphreos Clan got up and rushed to the door.

"Where were you?"

"Did you actually follow them?"

"Obi-Wan, what were you thinking?" asked Stiong, as Anakin started answering everyone else's questions, taking most of the attention away from Obi-Wan.

At a loss of a real explanation, Obi-Wan refuted, "Well you said to see where she was from."

Stiong just shook their head, chuckling slightly. "That doesn't seem like something you would do."

"Yeah, well-" Obi-Wan began gruffly, not really sure what he was going to say, but thankfully Ousendi interrupted him.

"So _did_ you find out where she was from?"

"Oh yeah - Naboo."

"Naboo?" Ousendi scrunched up her face. "Where is that?"

"I don't know. I've only really heard of it once before."

"Then how do you know she was from Naboo?" asked Stiong.

"Anakin said she was."

"Oh." Ousendi nodded slowly, raising her eyebrows as if she knew something Obi-Wan didn't, which annoyed Obi-Wan greatly, though he didn't know why.

"Alright, everyone start cleaning up and heading to the meditation room," called the Jedi Knight overseeing the dining hall, and Obi-Wan groaned.

"I didn't even get to eat."

At meditation, Obi-Wan found it much harder than usual to keep his head clear. His mind could not be blissfully blank for more than ten seconds before thoughts of the delegation from Naboo, or the Masters' disapproval, or Anakin's laughing face appeared in his head. He was glad when they slowly turned the lights back up and the younglings began filing out of the room.

As they stepped into the hallway, Obi-Wan froze. About twenty feet away and approaching too quickly was the delegation from Naboo, with Mace Windu and Qui-Gon Jinn.

Obi-Wan looked around frantically, not sure what he was searching for until he found it. He locked eyes with Anakin, who somehow looked only moderately surprised instead of severely alarmed, and made his way over to him.

"What if they recognize us?"

The group had almost reached them now, and all the other younglings were whispering amongst themselves, staring at the queen. When they were in front of the younglings, Qui-Gon stopped.

"Hello, younglings," he said, nodding to them all. "I would like you to meet our guests; Queen Amidala and the court of Naboo."

Queen Amidala smiled. "It's nice to meet you." The younglings were looking at her in awe as her gaze swept around to all of them, then landed on Obi-Wan and Anakin. She laughed. "So here are the two overly curious younglings from the chambers. I was hoping to speak to you." Obi-Wan glanced at Anakin, horrified. "No, I don't want to scold you - I think it's wonderful that you want to know what happens in these negotiations. I don't know much about your lives, but I know there is more to being a Jedi than the Force and lightsabers, and I am glad you are discovering that."

Mace Windu cleared his throat. "We will not keep you, I'm sure you have training to return to." He began to lead the delegation away from them. As they left, Anakin turned to Obi-Wan, his mouth open in shock.

"Can you believe that?"

"I'm trying not to."

"She approved! You know what that means?"

"It means…" It slowly dawned on him. "It means the council can't punish us! Because we didn't harm their negotiations."

"Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't put it past Windu to punish us anyway, just because he's annoyed. But we didn't do anything wrong."

"Well I wouldn't say we didn't do _anything_ wrong…"

"We didn't have any bad effect on them, how could we have done anything wrong?" The group was moving again, back to their chambers for the night.

"But the foreseeable outcome was that we _would_ have a bad effect on them, and we did it anyway."

"It doesn't matter now."

"Yes it does," Obi-Wan argued stubbornly, but they had arrived back at their clan's sleeping chambers; they had to get ready for sleep, and couldn't continue the discussion.

While he was falling asleep though, Obi-Wan thought more about what had happened today.

Why had he gone with Anakin? It wasn't like he had even asked. Obi-Wan didn't like him. There was no good reason to go. It wasn't, as Stiong had said, something he would normally do. If Obi-Wan had been thinking clearly, he would've known that of course the Masters would sense them outside the room and would want to make sure no one was listening illegally to whatever important matters they were discussing. And he had no right to know what they were talking about in the chambers anyway; it was selfish for him to have thought he should know.

But that was it; he hadn't thought. He had acted on instinct. What an odd instinct it was to follow someone all the way down multiple hallways and listen through a door, but that was what it was; he hadn't had time to think, because something unknown had pulled him with Anakin, something like - the Force?

But why would the Force be taking him with Anakin? Just to torture him? What could he possibly have gained from this whole experience? He had been humiliated, the Masters were disappointed in him, he'd disgraced the Jedi initiates to important political powers. Nothing good could possibly come from that decision, he thought. Nothing good could possibly come from following Anakin Skywalker anywhere.


	3. Chapter Three: Being Alive

" _Ah my friend, if you and I could escape this fray and live forever, never a trace of age, immortal, I would never fight on the front lines again or command you to the field where men win fame."_

Starting the day after the incident with the court of Naboo, even if Obi-Wan tried to stay away, he found himself magnetically drawn to Anakin's side.

"Remind me again why Anakin sits with us now?" Ousendi muttered at dinner one day, when Anakin was up getting food.

"Oh - I don't know." Obi-Wan hadn't thought about it before; he couldn't even pinpoint the exact day that Anakin started sitting across from him at meals, but it must have happened.

"He's not that bad," said Stiong mildly.

"He's full of himself."

"Well, he is good at pretty much everything," Stiong pointed out.

"So is Obi-Wan. You beat him in sparring all the time, right?" Ousendi looked expectantly at Obi-Wan.

"Uh, yeah I do."

"And Obi-Wan's not a narcissistic prick, so clearly it's his personality, not his ability," she concluded. Obi-Wan was saved from trying to respond when Anakin returned to the table and Ousendi fell silent.

"What'd I miss?"

He began to feel that the Masters disliked him now, because of how much he didn't listen in lessons when he was talking to Anakin. He knew the Masters, as Jedis, were supposed to have endless patience, but everyone has a breaking point, and finally during their midday political science class, Mundi reached his.

"Skywalker and Kenobi!"

Obi-Wan froze, turning his head slowly to look at Mundi's frustrated face.

"Do either of you want to be here?"

"Yes, I do, Master," he said, and Anakin nodded his agreement.

"Then I'd suggest you pay closer attention."

"I'm sorry."

Conversation with Anakin came easier to Obi-Wan than anything he did as a Jedi ever had. He felt like there was nothing he couldn't say; so different from his life as part of the Jedi Order, where he had to remain in control and not say anything out of line, or he would face consequences.

"What is it like for you?"

"What is what like?" Anakin turned to face him, his blue eyes piercing Obi-Wan.

"The Force. I've heard it's different for everyone, but no one ever talks about _how_ it's different."

Anakin nodded a few times in thought. "It's like - a part of me. Like I know it's a part of everyone, but I feel like it's just an extension of myself, like we're the same. I don't have to try to think about using the Force, I just _do_ it. It's like a third arm."

Obi-Wan laughed. "A third arm?"

"Yeah."

"Does it stick out of your back, or-"

Anakin shoved him to the side. "You know what I mean."

Obi-Wan laughed again, then nodded. "Yeah. I do."

Late at night in the Uphreos Clan common room chairs, sometimes, they talked about the families they had left behind.

"Do you ever miss your family?"

"I miss my mother every day," said Anakin. "But I know I'll see her again."

"Sometimes I think my parents resented me leaving. And I don't blame them; they wanted to raise a son, not have him taken away at three years old," Obi-Wan mused. "But they don't really know what it's like to be a Jedi."

"I think if they knew what you were doing, they'd be proud of you."

"Really?" He turned to look at Anakin, his chest suddenly full of emotion from those few words; 'They'd be proud of you.' Would they? He didn't remember much of his family, so he didn't really know how they would feel, and he wasn't sure he really cared, because with his years of being told to cast aside all attachments, he had stopped thinking about his family much at all. But somehow it meant something when Anakin said it.

"Yeah. Sometimes I feel guilty for leaving, especially when my mother is still a slave, but I'm doing what I'm meant to do, and my mother knows that. I'm sure your family does too."

He had forgotten that Anakin and his mother had been slaves. "What was it like to be a slave?"

Anakin did not respond at first, and Obi-Wan worried he had gone too far, but then he said, "It mostly made me angry."

"I can understand that."

"Watto wasn't that bad, for a slaveowner, I guess," he continued. "And I hadn't known any different, so when I was young it felt normal to do work and not get paid for it. But it made me angry that my mother and I couldn't just get up and leave. Having the freedom to choose; that's such a basic right, the core of being alive, and I didn't have it." He was looking away. "My mother still doesn't."

Obi-Wan reached over to put his hand on Anakin's shoulder, unsure of how to comfort him. "When you're a Jedi, you can go back and free her."

"I hope so."

* * *

"Could you stop grinding your teeth?" Ousendi hissed to Anakin during their history and cultures lesson.

"Was I?"

"Yeah," Stiong said.

"Sorry." Anakin glanced at Obi-Wan, who shrugged. It was doubtful that Ousendi and Stiong were really bothered by or even noticed Anakin grinding his teeth, but both of them had always felt rather negatively towards him, and the closer Obi-Wan and Anakin became, the more they both resented him. "Why do they hate me?" he whispered to Obi-Wan. Apparently, he had picked up on their feelings as well. Of course he had, he could probably feel them whenever he was around Ousendi and Stiong.

"They don't hate you."

"Certainly seems like they do."

"Jedi don't feel hatred."

"Don't they?" Anakin said, tilting his head.

"No, the code says 'no emotion, only peace'. Why would you think they do?"

"Don't they hate the Sith? And the Separatists?"

"They certainly dislike them, but they don't hate them," Obi-Wan reasoned.

"Dislike is just a nicer way of saying hate."

"It's - it's not - the point is," he said frustratedly, "they dislike them without the passion and emotion behind that. They know, logically, that the Sith and the Separatists are wrong, and the galaxy would be better without them."

"What's the point of doing something if you don't have passion behind it?"

"Did you even read the Doctrine of the Order?"

"Are you two even listening?" Stiong said, hitting the desk with their palms in aggravation.

"Yes," Obi-Wan lied, picking up his pen to pretend he was taking notes.

"Could you listen quieter?" Ousendi said mockingly.

"Yeah we can try," Anakin shot back.

Ousendi breathed heavily through her nostrils, but said no more.

"They definitely hate me," Anakin whispered, quieter than before.

"Well I don't hate you," he responded, and Anakin smiled.

* * *

"Do you ever feel like you're...special?"

Anakin looked up from his reading; they were in the common room in the evening again, Anakin was reviewing the Jedi Doctrine because though their trials weren't for another year, Anakin had never been an expert on the Jedi Code and Obi-Wan had nagged him to start learning it so he could pass the part of the exam that focused on knowledge of the Code. "Special?"

"I mean...you started training years after the rest of us, but you're clearly the best at saber technique and using the force, and all that. And I know everyone has a different midi-chlorian count, so we all have different ability levels naturally. So I'm just wondering…"

"Are you wondering if I'm The Chosen One?"

Obi-Wan blinked. "Yes."

"Then yes."

He said it so factually, not like he was bragging or exaggerating. He didn't even sound pleased, just stating a truth.

"Is that...do you...how do you feel about that?" he asked.

Anakin shrugged. "I'm not sure. I don't really know what it means. When Master Qui-Gon found me he told me there was a prophecy saying I was chosen, and would be more powerful than any Jedi. I wasn't really shocked and didn't think about it a lot. It sort of just made sense to me."

Obi-Wan laughed. "Were you really as apathetic then as you are now? I couldn't believe it when they said I needed to be trained as a Jedi, I was in shock for days and I wasn't even 'special' or anything."

Anakin shook his head. "Don't say that. You're special."

"I don't have a prophecy about me, Anakin, I hardly think-"

"I think you're special." Obi-Wan stared at him, and for some reason, neither of them said anything for a few moments. Being different or special had never occurred to Obi-Wan, he had never put any thought into his own unique ability, only Anakin's.

"Well it doesn't matter anyway," Obi-Wan said finally.

"Yeah." Another pause.

"What do you think you're going to do with it? Your power."

"Be a Jedi, I suppose. That's as far as I've gotten," Anakin said thoughtfully. "I'll be on the Council, definitely. Youngest Master ever, probably."

"You really haven't thought about this before?"

"It doesn't seem as important as the things I'm doing now."

"I mean, the most powerful Jedi... _ever_. That's huge. You've got more options than anyone for your future."

"I don't feel like the most powerful Jedi. And I don't like to think about my future."

"I'm sorry," Obi-Wan said quickly.

"No, it's okay," Anakin said, waving a hand. "I've just never talked about it with anyone before. I probably should though."

Obi-Wan nodded. "Well, even if you don't feel like it, you certainly seem like the most powerful Jedi to me."

"Really?" Anakin looked honestly surprised. Obi-Wan did not understand how this could come as a shock to him; since the day he arrived, Anakin had been special. It was the most obvious thing in the world to Obi-Wan.

"Yes."

"How?"

Obi-Wan didn't even have to think about this answer. "Everything comes easily to you. You don't have to think about using the Force, you just _do_ it. Like you said a while ago, it's just a part of you. You're one and the same."

"Well, for the record, I thought the same thing about you."

Obi-Wan laughed, sure that was a joke, but Anakin's face was serious. "Wait, you did?"

"Yes...I can't explain it. It's just that since I met you, everything you do seems...right." Obi-Wan stared at him. He couldn't even seem to make enough sense of the fragmented thoughts and feelings whirling around in his head to express a reaction. Later he would wonder why this was, why he was so strongly affected by what Anakin had said - that what he did was right - and he wouldn't be able to figure it out. "Honestly, when we first started training, I thought there must be a mistake, that the prophecy must have meant you, not me."

Obi-Wan did not know how to respond. Luckily, he didn't have to. Anakin knew what he wanted to say. He always knew.

* * *

Their years as initiates passed quickly, though they didn't realize it at the time. Soon Obi-Wan was almost thirteen, and set to take the Jedi Initiate Trials in less than a month. That was when Ousendi brought up an issue Obi-Wan somehow had not considered before.

"Obi-Wan," she began, slightly nervously, as she, Obi-Wan, and Stiong were walking to meditation; Anakin was ahead of them talking to Master Jinn, "do you ever think you might be forming...an attachment?"

"An attachment?" Obi-Wan said, bewildered.

"I'm just saying, Jedi aren't supposed to have attachments. It's forbidden. I mean it's not like I'm saying you can't have friends, or anything, just-"

"Then what are you saying?" He found himself going on the defensive, glaring sideways at Ousendi.

"I'm saying - be careful. Being chosen as a Padawan depends on how we do as younglings just as much as how we do in the trials. And the Masters pay attention."

"I think what Ousendi's saying is that the code says to be wary of attachments. Not that you're not allowed to love. Love and compassion are central to our lives," Stiong added.

"Wha - love?" Obi-Wan spluttered, taken aback. "That's - attachment - I - you -"

Ousendi held up her hands, shaking her head. "Never mind. Forget I said anything."

"What do you mean-"

"Don't worry about it, Obi-Wan."

That evening in the clan common room, Anakin was twirling his miniature initiate lightsaber hilt around and around his hand, and Obi-Wan was watching because the repetitive movement was hypnotizing. Neither of them said anything for a few minutes, momentarily mesmerized by the lightsaber Anakin was spinning. Then Obi-Wan remembered what Ousendi had said earlier, and realized he had to ask Anakin to really know if she was right.

"Do you think I'm forming an attachment?" he asked, not taking his eyes off the lightsaber.

"To who?" Anakin said absently.

"To you."

Anakin stopped spinning the lightsaber hilt and Obi-Wan blinked, pulled out of his trance quite abruptly. "Do you think you are?"

"I don't know."

Anakin looked at him, staring right into his soul with those clear blue eyes again. "I think you know. You just don't want to say anything, because attachment is against the Jedi Code."

"Yes, it is."

"It shouldn't be."

"What - what do you mean?" Obi-Wan asked, shocked. The Jedi Code was the core of their lives, the younglings did not ever consider defying its rules.

"Attachment is just another word for love. When someone matters to you, you feel drawn to them, attached to them. And love is an important part of peace and compassion, which are so important to the Jedi. So why would they draw the line at attachments?"

"Because losing someone you're attached to do can lead to darkness and depression. And the Jedi don't want that."

"No one wants that. But darkness and depression and pain are part of being alive. You can't expect to just have the happy parts of life, only the light and not the dark. That's unrealistic. One can't exist without the other."

Obi-Wan stayed quiet for a moment, thinking. "But it's against the Code. The Code exists for a reason, I don't want to blatantly disobey it. And Ousendi said-"

"Ousendi is a different person than you," Anakin interrupted. "So is Stiong. You're allowed to disagree with your friends, and you're allowed to disagree with the Code."

"Am I, though? The Code is the basis of our lives…."

"No." Anakin put his hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder to stop him talking, and somehow it worked. "The basis of our lives is the Force, being compassionate, and keeping peace. Those are the only parts of the Code that matter."

"You can't just decide what matters and what-"

"I didn't just _decide_ this myself. What do Jedi do that doesn't involve those three things?"

Obi-Wan tried to think of something to use as an example to refute Anakin's claim, but it was as if Anakin's hand on his shoulder was purposely distracting him, tapping his fingers lightly as he often did, as though he had forgotten it was there.

"Nothing. Everything we do is centered on those things. The rest of the Code, they make us memorize it, but it's not what's important."

"And attachment?"

Anakin breathed a small sigh. "The Jedi don't understand attachment. Attachment is just...caring deeply about...someone, and caring is a good thing. If people didn't care, there would never have been a Jedi Order in the first place. People had to care about the peace in the galaxy to think they needed to create a group of knights to keep that peace."

"I can't go against the Code," he said, but he sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than Anakin. His head was spinning. Was Anakin right? He followed the Code in every other respect, he always had, he knew it by heart; was he allowed this one small exception?

"Then that is your choice." Did he look disappointed? Upset, even?

Obi-Wan glanced at Anakin for a second, then found his eyes held there. "Do you think I should stop being...attached?"

"Do you want to?"

Obi-Wan tried to consider this carefully, but it was hard with Anakin's eyes gazing directly into his. The common room lights were kept off at night, but the window stretched the length of the north wall, and the moonlight from outside was casting a pale glow on Anakin's face.

"No."


End file.
